I'll fight Your Battles...or will I????

Well hello friends. I hope and pray that you are all well since last I wrote. As always, thank you, thank you, thank you so very much for taking time out of your day to read what I have written. Your support keeps me going and motivated to put my thoughts and experiences out there. Something happened  today that really made me question an area of my parenting. I pride myself on my son being polite, which is a trait that is more then lacking in so many kids and adults, but for the first time, I asked myself..."am I making my son weak?"

It began during pick up at school today. As usual the children were outside having a ball and Masaya was playing in the sand box with his friends. Let me tell you, the feeling I get when I see my child playing at school and really interacting with other children washes away all the crap of the work day. It is a true mood booster. He sees me and runs to greet me with a smile and wraps his arms around my neck, followed by a "Mommy come on. Come play in the sand with me."As you can imagine I melt right there and dare not refuse the order, so I go to join the wee ones in the sand as they make cakes and pies and castles. Everything is sunshine and rainbows until I see this little boy not wanting to play with my son. I suggest to Masaya to play with some other friends and to use a truck that's near him. He does and things are back to gumdrops and candy corn. Then the little boy from before, begins to take the truck Masaya is playing with and I can see the fight ensure. I encourage Masaya to tell the boy that he is using the truck and I say it as well. Apparently this kid does not following the " use your words" rule and ignores the both of us. So I go and look him in the eye and take the truck and say "Masaya was using this. You can have it when he is done." Which met me with an eye roll from a 3 year old and the boy proceeds to spit in the truck. Now, my first reaction is to smack the little brat across his face, but I suppress all my desires and let the teacher do her job.

I know what you're thinking, "Oh my goodness!". Yeah, I know. But the fact of the matter is, I can not control other people's children, I can ONLY control my own child. Which made me think, if I hadn't stepped in and just let the two of them duke it out, would that have been the out come? Or, would my son, being the polite one, not have even fought back. I try my best to have Masaya express himself with words, more so because he is bi-lingual, but also because he needs to understand that words are powerful and your point must be made. I don't like the screams or moans when children are fighting over something, I want my son to talk! But has my approach with him made him a bit weak. Should he have given into the primal instincts? Survival of the fittest? That I do not know, but I also no that I don't want anyone bullying my kid and he not stick up for himself. And really, isn't that every parent mission? To teach your child compassion, empathy, but also confidence and strength . It is such a hard thing to balance, but it is something I now know that I and his father must help him with, so the next time we meet up with bratty kid, my son will be ready to fight his own battles.

Until next time, may love surround you

-Malinda xoxoxo

Mother's Day, everyday...

Hello friends! I hope and pray that all is well with you. Things are on the up and up and frankly I can't complain. I do, however want to just say that my last post, although honest, was a bit too personal. I am more then happy to share my life and have no issues with letting things out. But, I have made it my misson not to let my emotions run this blog. And with that, lets get into this post

Those two beautiful, fabulous and AMAZING women in the picture above are my mother and grandmother. I can not even begin to tell you how much I love these to women and how absolutely grateful to God that they are in my life. With that being said, I also know that there are so many people without mothers. Not just those who have lost their moms and that pain in itself is devastating, but those who really never had a mother. I look at the situation in Cleveland, with the three women who were held captive for 10 years. Two of them returned to loving families, mothers, grandmothers, aunts...women who have prayed for those young ladies. The third women has refused to see her mother, grandmother and any other family due to past strain on their relationship. No welcome party for her...all alone. It is times like these that I know that celebrating my mother and grandmother is not a one day thing. I celebrate them EVERYDAY. From every sacrifice my mother paid for to daily life with my grandmother. I am who I am because of these women. They are my role models, my confidants, my friends, my teachers, my spiritual leaders and everything else in between. And then I begin to think of all the other women who have shaped me. My great aunt, Elizabeth Banks, my great grandmothers Theresa Dixon and Odell Caudle. My aunts, my Sunday school teachers, the ladies at church, women I've met in Japan, Georgia, New York and all over the world. My friends, who at times mother me when its needed. Oh the blessings are countless. Who are the mothers in you life and how often to you tell them that you love and appreciate them? Don't wait until the middle of May to let your feelings be known.

This is why I can smile everyday. This is why my heart is full. They are my foundation, my ground, they hold me and give me strength. And I, in turn send that love to my son, my Masaya. I mother him as I was and am still mothered. Sending that love and energy and positivity out into the world every single day...

Happy Mothers Day and everyday to all the mothers out there... in every shape and form.

Love Always,
Malinda xoxoxo

P.S. Not only is Sunday Mother's Day, but its also my mommy's birthday. Happy birthday Mommy!!!!!

No father figure please!

Hello friends! I know its been too long since I last posted, so please forgive me. Gonna try my best to get off my lazy caboose and write more, especially because it feels so darn good. Are you all enjoying spring? I know I am. Being trapped in the house all winter did not make me a productive girl and frankly that cabin fever was spreading through my house like wild fire. But, now that the weather is getting nicer on a regular basis, I've kicked up my workouts (thanks to my girls Katherine M and Kathryn K. Thanks ladies!), done some much needed spring cleaning and spruced up my front yard. I'm feeling good and I know that the abundance of sunshine has a lot to do with it, but there are still some challenges that take me for a loop when faced.

My friends, I want to get a little personal with you. I have never been one to shy away about telling my story. I believe that for the most part, my life is an open book because I know that along the way, my story may help someone else. My experience may be an inspiration to someone who truly needs it. This is what connects us as human beings, the shared experience. It is my belief that this connection is what keeps us going.

My father was never a part of my life and you know... I'm OK with that. I always have been OK with it. I have never been the girl who longed to meet or even have a relationship with her biological father. I mean, my grandfather was and is the man who raised me and my uncles have always been present. There was no void, for me, no lack of male influence. Now, I have met my father several times, more so within the past year and a half. He and his family have been somewhat persistent and trying to keep track of me recently, but honestly it comes off like a guilt trip, it just does not feel genuine. In a way I feel like some trophy being sought after a because his other children (I am his oldest) are nothing to brag about. If comes off like he needs something to claim, to say "See, I didn't screw up. Look at my daughter". Its annoying and down right juvenile to me, so I try my best to stay away, but then the phone calls and sad voices on the other end start and the guilt is there. I don't like that feeling. I don't like being made to feel like I HAVE to visit you or I'm obligated to because you whine and complain...but I do. And really, what kind of relationship is that? When you know that the person doesn't want to be there but you keep them there anyway just to be selfish? Oh my friends, I don't understand why I set myself up for this. Its not because I don't like my father or his family, I just don't know them. How can I be all warm and fuzzy if I know NOTHING about you? It just makes no sense to me at all. Relationships are built, they are not automatic. This is how we connect, this is what makes us human. We build relationships and when we stop building, there is no longer a relationship, no connection.

Really, my annoyance with my father and his family is just the fact that, to this day, they have never taken responsibility for their lack of action in my life. I am a firm believer that when you mess up, say it. Own up to it, learn from it and move on. Blaming everyone, mainly mother's family,  for "keeping me away from them" like Rapunzel trapped in the tower is pure bullshit. And if that was the case, maybe there was a reason that I was not allowed to visit. No matter, once I became an adult and I have been living on my own since I was 20 years old, I was never sought out, never contacted, until I just happened to bump into my father's sister about a year ago. Maybe if I was naive, young or just plain stupid, I'd buy it. But the thing is, I'm not stupid, never have been, never will be. To quote Leah Black from The Real Housewives of Miami

                               " I can deal  with a lot, but I can't deal with stupid." 

I guess the lesson that comes from all of this is that blood may be thicker then water, but we all bleed. Just because you are blood related, does not make that person your family. With my own child, I try my best to teach him that everything you do in life has a consequence. I know that he is only 3, but I want it hammered into his head, so that he never forgets. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder then a drum. This is how I have always looked a the character of a person, by what they do. And this is how I want you all to see me, by my actions. I don't know what will happen with my family, his family and myself, but from judging by the past 32 years...nothing much.

Happy spring my dears, until next time,

Malinda xoxoxo

ATGAH Book of the Month: April 2013

Hello my friends! I hope all of you are doing well and its so good to be writing to you on a regular basis again. Well, it looks like spring has official sprung and these April showers here in Buffalo look like they will be brings lots of May flowers. Some of you may not know this, but I was and English major in university and my LOVE for books and any type of literature is such a part of who I am. So I thought to myself, why not share what I"m reading with all of you. Before I became a mother, I could go through at least 3-4 books a month. Now I literally force myself to read at least one book a month, but  will get through it. So, without further delay, here is the very first installment of A Tokyo Girl At Heart Book of the Month!

I try very hard to limit my TV watching and for the most part it is limited to HBO, Bravo and Cartoon Network. And in said TV watching, one of my guilty pleasures is Bravo's Real Housewives franchise. I watch ALL of them, New York, Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, OC and Miami. So as fan of crazy, I started reading Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders by Brandi Glanville with Leslie Bruce. Now if you're already a fan of the Housewives franchise, you already know that Ms. Brandi is a handful, but she is honest. And really that's what the whole book was about...being honest. Yes, its funny and some of the things in it made me blush on more then one occasion. But, I have to give it to Ms. Glanville, not only id she truthful, but she is also very honest with herself and her own flaws. Its really speaks volumes when you go through life's challenges and can be honest enough to say that you played a part in it. And my favorite part is that it was a fast read, nothing to complicated or wordy, it was all simple and to the point.

Enjoy!!!!!
Malinda xoxo

Do I really need a Bucket List???

Well hello my darlings! Enjoying the new site? I know, I am too and thank you all so much for the positive feedback and well wishes. You keep me pumped and wanting to do more. Enough with the love fest, lets get into it, shall we...

So as I finished up the site, I had this feeling of accomplishment. I mean, I know there's no flashing lights and Kayne West isn't playing in the background, but I think I did a damn good job making this myself. Well, it got me thinking, what else did i want to accomplish? What other goals do I need to see carried out? Of course there's the normal, wining an Oscar for my screenplay and being the next Oprah, but one thing at a time you know. Seriously, I thought to myself, do I need to make a bucket list? I've never viewed a bucket list as a necessity, but at the same time I've never seen it as something not to do. I believe that its good to put your ideas, thoughts, feels, goals, whatever it may be on paper. But, then again, that's also the writer in me. Gotta put it down on paper and the fancier the paper the better. So here is my bucket list, well the start of it any because I think that you can always add or delete. Life is made for editing, if you get me. And, I pray that I get to all of it in my lifetime. Maybe it will inspire you to make one too.

1. Have a second child
2. Go to India
3. Put on a one women show that eventually goes to Broadway and wins me a Tony (well, at least put on the show, the Tony is touch and go :D )
4. Run a marathon
5. Buy a beach house
6. Travel in Europe for the summer (3 months)
7. Write a book (Not an E-book. And No disrespect to my e-book writers, but I want to be in print before it goes extinct!)
8. Write a screenplay
9. Learn how to sail a boat
10. Make a full length album ( the genre is still up in the air, anything from soul rock to a kids album)
11. Go to Madi Gras in New Orleans and Carnival in Rio
12. Take a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, Egypt and Morocco
13. Have one year of "Good Deeds" where I preform random and anonymous good deeds everyday
14. Read the entire Bible, Torah and Koran

Things Look a Little Different..

Hello my friends!

As you can see, the site looks a little different. I have officially become a "dot-com" and have added some new features, like the video above, to the blog. I have to be honest with you and tell you how nervous I was to be doing this. As I was uploading the video, I felt the way I did when I moved to Japan, when I got married, when it was time to give birth to my son. I knew that this next chapter that I was embarking on was a commitment. That in order for me to take this creative outlet to the next level, I was going to have to commit, whole heartily to it. I am so proud and so excited for where A Tokyo Girl At Heart is going and so happy to take you all with me. I can not thank you all enough for your continued love and support and I want you to know that my success is YOUR success. Here's to wonderful and new things and here is to the future.

With so much love,
Malinda xox

The Best is Yet to Come...

Hello Everyone!!!!

Happy month of March. I wont make this one too long, just wanted to chat!

Next to Christmas, this is my favorite time of year. Why, you may ask. Well, my birthday is on the 19th day of this month and I am that person who likes to dddrrrraaaggggg out that very special day. In fact, I don't just focus on my birthday, I celebrate my "birth-month"! I basically do this because I used to put all this pressure on my birthday and I would either end up getting disappointed because it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to or I would end up being sick (when I was younger I would get sick just like THAT!). So I've come to spread out all my celebrations throughout the whole month. I know it sounds egotistical, but I call it self love. I love myself enough to see where I have come and how far and reward my triumphs and thank GOD that I am still alive to see another year. If that's not worth celebrating I really don't know what is. And frankly, I'm proud of that. Not only that, but I actually try to set aside time with my mother on my birthday, since is the one who brought me into this world. As much as I love the attention and spa days and free food (yes, I do that too!), this month is really my reflection month. And really I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well folks, I want to let you know that there are going to be some BIG changes coming to Tokyo Girl At Heart and I want to thank you all so very much for your continued support, love and positive feedback. So be on the look out because the best is yet to come.

Sending love and light to you all,
Malinda xoxox

P.S. If you haven't had a chance to, please visit my event planning page on Facebook, MCS Productions & Events. Once again, thank you for the support!!!